![]() ![]() That one is not going on either, and I’m standing there with a boner in one hand, unrolled condom in the other muttering apologies and feeling absolutely ridiculous. She finally walks into the bathroom confused and suggests I try a condom she had in her purse just in case. After a few minutes I am panicking because the condom will not go on and am mortified that I look like an idiot who can’t even put on a condom. After breaking the first one, I kinda excuse myself and walk into the bathroom with a second condom and the instructions. Having never used a condom before but not wanting to show it, I casually try to keep up conversation while I’m struggling with all my might to put the damn thing on. We get to her place that night and things start getting hot, we finally strip naked and I get the condom out. I run to the pharmacy after work and am faced with 20 different types of condoms, I just grab the normal type and try not to seem too nervous while paying. ![]() So after fooling around with my GF for a few weeks she finally hints that she’s ready to go for it tonight, and that I should buy some condoms. “My story starts awesome, then gets awkward, then goes back to awesome. It was a triple-thick desensitizing lubricated condom for guys with stamina problems.” The next morning, in the light, I look at the floor and see the condom wrapper. I eventually shuffle back into my room, and we fall asleep together. So I go outside and stand there, pretending to inhale, contemplating what life will be like as a gay man. I don’t smoke, but I had a pack of mini-cigars for when I hang outside with people that do smoke. I told her I was going to go outside and have a smoke. ![]() I followed them up with some awkward kind of grunting. She eventually made some noises that I’m sure had to be fake. The only thing I’m thinking about is, ‘Oh my god, I must be gay.’ I thought I was bi this whole time because I’ve always found myself attracted to women more so than men, but here I am having sex with a woman and I can’t feel ANYTHING! I figured I just had to be gay. I’m sure it was probably the worst sex she’d ever had. So, not only was it my first time, but I also couldn’t FEEL anything. Then, after a few minutes, I realize that it’s not that it doesn’t feel awesome, it’s that I don’t feel anything at all. Like you spent your teen years imagining what it actually feels like, and then you’re finally there, with a REALLY hot chick and it’s like meeeeeeh. “The first thing I noticed was that it didn’t feel nearly as awesome as I had imagined. ![]()
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